19 September 2007
Teenage-ness
So ever since I was in second grade and we read a book called Gigi, by Elizabeth Foster, I've been determined not to let myself make a stereotypical change from child to adult. On many accounts, I've succeeded.
One stereotype for teenagers is that they're dramatic and can't get along with their parents. Even back then, I had begun to realize that this isn't just a result of rampaging teenage hormones. True, I'm more easily annoyed that I used to be. This is mostly because of the realization that everyone has flaws; it's quite upsetting. Most likely, people go through this phase and then overcome it, however, as someone experiencing it, I think I prefer to have higher standards for the people around me.
This may sound arrogant, but I hold myself to the same standards as everyone else. I'm not denying that some of my frustration is irrational, because about 40% of it is. And if I think it's 40%, it's probably at least 50%. Rather, I'm arguing that my frustrations are valid, even if I am a teenager.
One major difference in parent-child interaction at this age is that the child is no longer dependent on the parent. In some cases, the child wants separation, and in others, the parents give it. As children, many of us are coddled. This has to stop at some point if the child hopes to be successful on his/her own, but there is not always a gradual shift from dependent to independent. Instead, at least in my case, there seems to be an abrupt change.
Parents eventually stop playing games and overseeing everything involving you. In my case, the problem is that they also withdraw emotionally. When I'm upset, they don't bother asking why... or they accept a clearly false 'fine' and drop it. I don't know what goes on in their minds, but it appears as if they assume I'm upset over something petty. This, of course, does not happen 100% of the time, but it happens enough that it's uncomfortable.
For example, I got upset when my little sister got shotgun today. I wasn't just upset because of something as trivial as a seat. I had a much deeper, more extensive complaint, and this just pushed it a little to far. When I got home, my dad stated that my sister "got shotgun" so I was "pissed." In that brief sentence, he made it seem like I was being petty.
I don't expect them to read my mind, because that's unrealistic. It wouldn't have hurt him to ask why I was so angry. What is it about getting older that makes people think you stop needing to explain your emotions?
Yes. Sometimes, you have to assert them if you want anything to change. But as the child, who's always been catered to by the parents, it seems illogical to have to ask them to ask me what's wrong, when they've always been quick to do so in the past. It's perfectly understandable that they have to stop catering, but that doesn't mean they should withdraw completely.
At what point do we stop communicating? When does the parent make "How was your day?" the opening for at least 50% of conversations with their child? When does the child feel so overwhelmed by these changes in dependence that he/she gets angry at random injustices, or chooses to lash out at anything by causing his/herself undue stress?
It's a difficult transition. As of yet, I'm not willing to give up on any of my expectations for anyone because I vowed not to become an adult who gave up the ability to look at things with the same perception I had as a child. Even though some there are some changes I cannot control, I still remember being determined to remember all of the magic and goodness I saw back then. Though I dislike it, I assume the three of us work out our differences and compromise.
In the interval, however, we suffer.
Both the parents and the child are responsible for this tension, and it's unfair to simply blame the child. Yeah, yeah, life's unfair. But is that any reason to overlook injustice when we see it?
20 February 2007
Stuff
Alright. it's definitely been a while since I've done this... and wow, I can type a lot faster than I used to.
So far this year things have been going as usual... except there's a new definition of usual. Some things are the same, such as getting up, going to school, coming home, doing homework, and sleeping. I'm more or less socially clueless, so I don't get out much, although I like to think that I've improved somewhat this year.
I joined mock trial this year. That right there is the biggest difference. It's over now, which is a shame, because it's so much fun!! I was the defendant this year, because I didn't have the confidence to play lawyer. I won the "best witness" award our teacher/coach made, which was great.
We were a first year team, and we won two out of the four preliminary matches. How great is that!? Unfortunately, we didn't go onto finals, but we'll just have to get them next year. It doesn't even matter, because when I was up there on the witness stand, and I flustered the lawyer so much that he stopped and complimented me, that was all of the victory I needed.
Even after the season is long over, that remains my sole source of satisfaction. I gained confidence, and a certain level of comfort among my peers, that I didn't have before.
I also took the PSAT this year. I got a 197 out of 240, which is great! But then I took the Princeton Review Assessment, and I did very badly. Kind of disheartening, but also a bit of a wake up call for me.
I've been getting a bunch of college mail, which is fun, but sort of stressful. I even got an e-mail from a college I want to go to. But after the PRA, it feels like I might not perform as well as they seem to expect me to.
From what I've perceived, this is the year where we're all supposed to start thinking about our futures. Whoop-ee. But I'll act like a good little girl and start thinking about it.
In reality though, I've been thinking less about college and more about what I want out of life...I think.
I'm at that point where the question of what I want to acquire, to earn, is the most important thing. There are plenty of things I want, because really, that's the case for everyone. But if you look at it by asking yourself "what are the memories that I value the most?", then I think it becomes clear.
Most of my most precious moments involve being completely comfortable and having fun with other people. (That is, with the exception of a moment when I knew something that none of my English teacher's other classes did...)
So that implies that the thing I want most in life is to have friends that I can have lots of those moments with. So hopefully, if I have that, all else will follow.
20 August 2006
Reading
It never ceases to amaze me when I read something really good. When something is written really well, no matter what it is, it seems like "I can relate to this". When you read something (book, poem, story, etc) and afterwards, you just sit there and think about what you just read, or when you try to put what you feel about it into words, and can't; that feeling is also nameless. I find that one of the most challenging things to do at various online writing sites is to tell someone who wrote something like that just how you feel about it. It's really not an easy task.
But also, it's the feeling you get when you sit in one spot for hours and just read. Not necessarily because you can't stop reading, but for any reason. I decided a few days ago that I would finish the Mayor Of Casterbridge which I had to read for school. I had, oh, half the book left. I sat for hours and just worked on that one goal of finishing it. And I have to say, I enjoyed the book more than I had been before.
It's not so much that the book is bad, because it's not. But many of the references and expressions made aren't common knowledge like they used to be.
The feeling of reading a lot in a short time rather than over a longer time span is such that, you perceive the way time passes for the story differently. While I was in New York this summer, I read a book, Phantom, that was 900 or so pages. And I read it as unceasingly as I could (Does that make sense?), so I finished it in 2 days.
The first half of the book took place over the course of only a few days. But if I'd read it in bits and pieces, the feelings that I took away from the book would have been different because of it.
I've always found that interesting.
Going back to my original point, there's nothing quite like reading a really good piece of writing. A lot of the things I've read have been by kids around my age too. Maybe it's because I relate to them better, but I don't think so.
The idea that something that comes out of one person's mind can impress another that much is what makes writing so interesting. Mainly, to think that it's possible for one person to write something like that and affect another.
Well anyway, I have no idea where that came from.....
13 August 2006
Template Change
I'm going to be changing the template around for a while.
I like this one. It took me forever to decide what I wanted to do with the animation on that header...
30 July 2006
One of the most annoying things ever!
People's grammar today is atrocious! Worst of all is the word anyway. Anyways is not a word! GAH! I wish people would get that! There is little that annoys me more than that non-existant word! Grr...
Well, I just wanted to get that out of my system...
28 July 2006
Brainstorm program @ traevoli.com
"Jealousy destroys itself and the object of its love. In the 80s, a flower, undead, leads us through a western in Greece of unbelievable proportions. During this tale the audience is witness to defeat and gets a knowing feeling.
The basic plot: Changing in ways that cannot be explained.
Kudos for incorporating a polyhedron, toasters, use of the phrase "aww, he didn't use my quote", butterflies, or a forbidden closet of mystery."
I think I might use this one for NaNoWriMo in November, but I have to go through some more first...
11 July 2006
A quote: A note
Make-up is a synonym for lie
I read this quote just now, and thought it noteworthy.
quote by Cat: http://www.blogger.com/profile/28344791
or Your Messiah: http://allpoetry.com/poets/your%20messiah